You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
