Will you blow on my dice?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
