chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
