....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
