what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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