I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
