are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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