dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
