I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
