I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
