I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
