My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
