grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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