I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
