is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
