Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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