Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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