My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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