can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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