Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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