hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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