I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
