Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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