I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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