awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
