Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
