i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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