well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
