My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
