This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
