i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
birth control should be required to get into college
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
