we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
