Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
