legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bring me that man meat
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
