careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he thought i was a dude.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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