i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
