matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
