my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
