Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
