Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
wanna go halves on a baby?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
