i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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