Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
