You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
