...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
