Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
