I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This baby is an asshole
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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