You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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