I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
