you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
