Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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