he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
