had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
