on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
