Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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